Thanksgiving...

I can't believe that my very most FAVORITE holiday is this week! Why do I love Thanksgiving?? Oh well, it could be about the wonderful food you get to eat. Last year I was pregnant and remember telling myself FINALLY I can eat as many helpings as I want with no judgement but I was pregnant and food just made me feel sick sometimes. I got to eat a little bit but after 1 plate I was done for. This year I get to enjoy it again and I have a wonderful little 6 month old who is LOVING food currently and wants a bite of everything we eat! I can't wait to share this with him. To be serious for a minute I do love the food but I also love that it's about being thankful. When I look back at my life I look at these past few years and I truly have so much to be thankful for. I have the most amazing, loving husband who truly makes each and every day fun and exciting. He makes me laugh and just brings so much to the relationship. I have a beautiful family. 6 months in and I can defiantly say that I was born to be a mom. I am so excited aver every new thing he does. Of course I also have a wonderful step daughter who helps complete our little family. She is the best big sister Lincoln could ask for and the 10 year age gap makes for a great little helper. John and I are blessed with great parents on both sides. Lincoln is so so lucky to have so many grandparents. 4 sets to love on him and help teach him, AND to watch him on Saturdays ;). We have some amazing friends. John and I have always had amazing friends but over the years we have collected some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. Our "kickball" friends who we have met through playing kickball are just amazing people and we are so thankful for them. Those are some things I am thankful for :) I hope all of the wonderful people in our lives had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I started writing this post weeks ago but being a new mom I got sidetracked and didn't post it! So I figured I would go back and make sure it got put up on the blog :)

things I have learned as a new mom....

So far being a mom there are a few things I have learned... #1. Don't change a babies diaper with them facing you. Also don't have your mouth open while changing a diaper. This goes hand in hand. Media did not reflect that I may want to do this. I actually only found pictures oh how to change a diaper the wrong way.

See in the picture if this was a boy and started to pee guess where the pee will go...Yup all over mom or dad. My "keep your mouth closed" part is pretty self explanatory. #2. Baby shampoo is not as gentle as pure water. In fact I got some in my eye the other day and although it didn't feel as bad as real shampoo...it still sucked. Not to mention, have you ever gotten water in your eyes? Still it could cause tears especially for a baby. So the "no tears" is pretty much a lie. Now I know everyone wants to know how I got baby shampoo in my eye. I promise it was an accident and I wasn't trying to prove it didn't hurt baby's eyes.

#3. Organic doesn't mean it tastes good! Now that Links is introduced to baby food I find myself wondering if it tastes good to him because lets be honest I tasted breast milk and I wouldn't recommend it. Lincoln will eat practically anything you put in front of him so I figured, it must taste really good! Well I am wrong. A lot of the food tastes worse then breast milk. We wonder why our babies sometimes turn into picky eaters. I think it's because they finally eat something that tastes good and they just don't trust us to introduce "good" food because of how we start them out! ;)

So there is my top 3 list of things I have learned. I wanted to share so that people can learn from my trials and errors :) I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Holidays

I look at the calendar and I can't believe how close we are to all of the holidays. First off Halloween is coming! I can't wait to take my baby trick or treating in his costume! I know he will love it! I can't wait for Thanksgiving. To show Lincoln what I am thankful for. This year I am so grateful to be spending Thanksgiving with my wonderful little family! Last Thanksgiving I was pregnant but it wasn't very far into the pregnancy. I had no idea I would have this handsome baby boy! I didn't know who Lincoln was, he had no name he was just this little life that had just begun growing. this year I have probably the most handsome son who looks so much like his handsome daddy! I am so blessed and can't wait to give thanks, eat tons of food, and well...watch football on thanksgiving! :) Then of course there is Christmas! Probably the holiday I have been looking forward to the most because I can't wait for Lincoln to sit on Santa's lap and make Christmas lists. There is so much that I want to show him! We get to start our family traditions. I just love having this little baby and I am so happy to share my life with all of my friends, family and my followers! I thank everyone for your support and love as we continue through Lincoln's first year! :) John and I are so blessed with so much love and happiness!

Baby free for a minute

I can't believe that Lincoln is about to be 4 months old! My last post I talked about struggling with self esteem and not feeling beautiful anymore. Well I really stepped up and worked so hard and I am happy to say that my baby weight is GONE! ALL gone! I am back down to 120lbs! I still want to continue to be healthy so I am keeping with it and doing daily toning exercises to help me tone my abs. All of this isn't easy with an almost 4 month old that I take care of every morning but I am getting through it! I also got my braces on! Things are starting to look much much better and well my confidence is back! :) I had to just start out with that! Next, I have possibly the most BEAUTIFUL child in the entire world! He is just SO handsome! He is growing so so fast and I am such a proud mom! Links looks more and more like his handsome daddy everyday and I just love looking at them and knowing they hold my whole heart! <3 Now I finally had a moment to update the blog because Links is off at daycare because I have a dentist appointment so after a shower and a cup of coffee I have a couple of minutes to write and breathe. I absolutely miss my son already! But I gotta get some teeth pulled for my braces so I will enjoy a small relaxing morning! Here are a few pics to update on what is new

Had to share some braces pics and a new pic of Lincoln! Now my last update is to share a couple of funny parts of being a mom. First off...Kids tv shows...All I have to say is Dora the Explorer was on a boat with a bunch of cats and was trying to stop them from getting wet. Yeah I couldn't stop laughing. Maybe I'm immature or maybe the writers of Dora the Explorer are SICK! lol second, my bladder is not as strong as it used to be so the occasional trickle of pee when I sneeze continues like I was pregnant. There are worse things in life so I just laugh it off. But next time you make me laugh real hard just remember I could start to pee a little bit! I am off to the dentist! I hope all of my friends, family, and followers are doing fantastic! <3 you all!

3 months old!

Yesterday Lincoln Turned 3 months old. I still feel like it was yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital. I remember John and I sitting on the couch with him and looking at each other like, "now what?" lol Lincoln is growing and changing so fast! I can't believe how big he is already. The biggest milestone to date would be that Lincoln has spent 2 nights in his big boy crib! Last night I hear him awake on the baby monitor and I go in to his room to find he has rolled onto his tummy from his back and is trying to roll back over. I take him out and sit in the glider chair to feed him. As I sit there I start thinking back to the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I remember being pregnant and miserable and sitting in Lincolns room in the middle of the night imagining what it was going to be like to have a baby and rock him to sleep. Last night it occurred to me that it is a million times better then I ever imagined. Being a mom has changed and enriched my life in so many ways. I am happy to be a mommy and as Lincoln grows and changes I just see John light up. Lincoln is his son and that is a bond I will forever be jealous of! I'm glad though, I wanted John to get his baby boy! Of course when I see Lincoln just wanting his daddy I always get a little jealous! I just wanted to update that Lincoln is 3 months and sleeping in his crib now! Pretty crazy because just over 3 months ago I was sitting in his room wondering if he would ever decide to come out! :)

Eventful 2 weeks...

Since August 3rd where I sat and patiently waited for my test results, so much has happened. My doctor called and confirmed I do have cervical cancer. After a week of feeling lost and like my world had fallen apart I went in on Friday for a cervical cone biopsy. Dr. Sargent went in and removed two cone shaped pieces of tissue from my cervix where the cancer was located. I was hoping the cancer would be easily treatable. I got my results yesterday that Dr. Sargent was able to remove all of the cancer from my cervix and now all I have to do is have check ups every 4 months for the next 16 months and if I am good we will space them out to 6 months until I am able to go back to yearly check ups. So basically as soon as I was diagnosed with cancer I also beat it. Whew! What a roller coaster that was. However in that short time I found myself struggling. I have had the worst self esteem and the worst anxiety. I am determined to nip this in the bud and get my confident self back on track. First things first...baby weight! it's been almost 13 weeks since I gave birth to Lincoln and my weight is 126 when I was previously 120 before getting pregnant. Now the 6 lbs I have to go is great but I really should be closer to 115lbs. When I got pregnant with Links I had had a miscarriage about 2 months prior and had 5 lbs I gained during those 8 weeks that I never lost. So I am still looking at about 11 lbs until I am back to pre pregnancy but I would honestly be fine with losing the 6lbs I have to get back to 120. The weight is just a start though. On top of struggling with losing my final 6 lbs I am struggling with being a mom. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I know I am Lincoln's mom but I rarely have the time to stop and think about myself. I don't feel sexy I just feel, blah most days. I am determined to snap out of this funk though. No matter how I am feeling I do look in the mirror and that woman I was before pregnancy is still there I just need to remember that and keep pushing myself to get to where I was! The irony in all of this is I am fighting to get back to where I was yet I think about getting pregnant with baby #2 in about a year if my cervical cancer stays at bay. lol. The last and final thing I am scared and struggling with is I am only 2 days away until I get my braces on! EEEK! After years of looking at my smile and wishing it was straighter I am actually doing something about it! Adult braces. Maybe the most embarrassing thing I will deal with in my adult life but maybe not, I mean I did pee myself in public and announce it as my water breaking! I will be sure to post a pic of my braces once they are on!

So here I am...I haven't showered...I have a little acne breakout...and I am exhausted but I am still me. I know who I am inside and as long as I let the inside shine I know the outside will fall into place!

The 'C' word

I am usually not a serious person but today I want to share a part of my life that is serious. My pap smear came back with what looks like cancerous cells. I will go in today and have a biopsy to see what is up and if it is truly cancer. Now I have had so many supportive people telling me it's probably nothing and I will be okay and I appreciate all of that but with my past I have found that it's very possible to have something like cancer happen to you! Here is why I feel that way... Back before I had John, before I even thought of having kids I was a high school student going to school in a new town and struggling with depression and trying to find who I was. At 15 years old I had been through a lot in my short life and after a really hard year at home with my family in Eugene I was sent to live in Portland with my dad. This is where I met Drew. Drew is what I would call my "high school sweetheart." He changed my whole life and made me realize I was worth something and taught me to love who I am before anything else. Shortly after graduation I moved in with Drew and planned to start a life with him! We were engaged which looking back I was way to young for that but nobody could make me see that, but that is beside the point! I will get to my point though. So one morning Drew woke up and asked me to come see something. I remember him sorting in bed and he was feeling something on his right collar bone. I looked and there it was. It was a lump about the size of a golf ball. It wasn't there when we went to sleep. We decided to go to a nurse practitioner at Rite Aid because we were young and had no health insurance. The nurse we saw looked like she had seen a ghost! She told us to take him to the emergency room to check it out. I thought that it was stupid to make us get a huge bill when he was totally fine and didn't even feel sick! At the ER he had X-rays and blood work done and after a 3 hour wait a doctor came in the room. The doctor put up some xrays and started talking about treatment and what they would do. It all happened so fast! I kept hearing the word "lymphoma". I spoke up and asked if Drew needed antibiotics. This is the moment our life changed forever. Drew has cancer. Those words hit me like a truck. CANCER?!? That's not possible! He is healthy and soo young! There was then a lot of talk about percentages. Only 10% of people diagnosed with Hodgkin s Lymphoma actually die from it. His odds sounded good! We went through some chemo and a short round of radiation and Drew became cancer free! We were ecstatic and had a month of fun and normal teenage lovebird life. We went in for a check up after that month and the CT scan showed that the cancer was back and not only was it back it spread everywhere! We didn't have much time to take action but we agreed to try a stem cell transplant to save him. The percentages were no longer in our favor so Drew and I married before he went in the next week for treatment. After a long time in the hospital and one coma Drew got to go home. About a week after he was home I was at work and came home on my lunch to find Drew wasn't breathing very well. He coughed up blood all over and just looked terrible. We got in the car with the help of my mom and left for the hospital. He was at only 30% oxygen and was admitted right away. I was going to leave to take a quick shower at home but my mom called me and told me they were going to intubate him. I ran back just in time to hug him and I will never forget that moment. He looked so calm and wasn't afraid so I felt like it was going to be okay. I told him I would see him soon and I loved him. That is the last time I was able to speak to Drew. He never came off life support and when we finally took him off and said our goodbyes he was gone. I laid my head on his chest and I heard his heart stop beating. This experience was the single most important moment in my life where I decided I needed to live life to it's fullest because it could have easily been me who lost my battle. Now I'm not going to lie there are days I wonder "what if". What if Drew had never gotten sick. What if it had been me? The beauty in it all is that I will never know what could have happened if he was still here. I do know that it was part of a bigger plan. Everything happens for a reason and maybe I was meant to meet Drew and go through losing him so I could grow as a person. I know that Drew watches over me and is so proud of who I am and the people I have built a life with and that makes me smile. I started writing this last Sunday before I went in for my biopsy and for whatever reason I decided it was too personal to post and stopped. Well I am patiently awaiting the call from my doctor to hopefully hear good news and I look at my phone and the date just jumped right out at me. Today is the anniversary of Drew's death and I await my results about cancer. Life is ironic sometimes and I guess I decided that nothing is too personal. I want to share this with my friends so maybe then understand why cancer is such a scary thing to me. Or maybe they just didn't know this part about me and now they understand why I am who I am. I hope to have good news the next time I post but even if I don't I know I can get through it. I just need to stay positive and know that everything happens for a reason.

last day before maternity leave ends...

In the back of my mind since the day I had Lincoln I knew I was going back to work. Being a stay at home mom is great for some people but it is defiantly not for me. I get bored at home. I need to work and well I love my job and what I do so I don't want to give all of that up. I knew I would go back but 8 weeks of maternity leave seemed like an eternity! I would look at the calendar and see that it was the end of May and July is a long ways away. Today I woke up and realized it is my last day of leave. Tomorrow when I wake up I have to go to work! I am filled with so many mixed emotions! I am excited because I am starting a new position at work and well I love to wear cute work outfits. I am scared because I've been off work since April 23rd and what if I forgot how to work? I am sad because my perfect little guy is going to daycare. I am happy because we have a great daycare provider that I can trust with him. So many emotions going through my head. I know I am ready to go back and soon I will be that super mom I always imagined that cooks and cleans and cares for her baby but also has a full time job...or...I may be the mom who cares for her baby and works. (the cooking and cleaning is a goal but we have to see how it goes!) LOL After a morning of running errands I am happy to be home with my Lincoln and my husband so we can spend the evening together before I return to reality! I will try to update this blog at least once a month with Lincoln and how he is developing! :) Goodnight everyone!

where has the time gone???

Well it's official, I am a horrible blogger! It's been 7 weeks and 3 days since Lincoln was born! I am way overdue for an update! So here it goes... It may take me an hour to type this because I have a very clingy baby today and well I only have use of 1 hand!:) Here some proof:

It seems like just yesterday I gave birth to this perfect little boy but at the same time I feel like it's been well over a couple months. Life has changed in ways I never thought it could and also stayed the same in places I never thought. For example: I am about to become a working mom. I am going to be dropping my sweet boy at daycare everyday and going to work in a new position at work that I have worked so hard to get. My life is totally different on top of being a new mom. My life has also stayed the same. For example: I still enjoy playing kickball and started that right back up at 2 weeks after having Lincoln. Now I thought I wouldn't want to play because I would not want people on the sidelines helping out or letting someone hold him while I play and that is just not true. I still enjoy playing and I love how helpful our team mates and friends are in helping keep him company while I am in the field. Lincoln has fit seamlessly into our life. I can't imagine life without him now. He has made our life so much brighter and as crazy as it may sound we are already planning for a 2nd baby. John has been so amazing as a father and as a husband through this whole experience! I always dreamed of having a husband who would do his share and truly want to help with a baby. He has his moments where he tries to get out of changing a poopy diaper but I can't blame him for that! Even I try to get out of those! I have found a way to keep my home somewhat presentable and to keep myself presentable as well! Here are some pics to share of our life with Lincoln!

Here is Lincoln and I at the Oregon Zoo with one of the giraffes! As you can tell I have been making the most of maternity leave :)

Here is John, Lincoln, and our dog Wicket hanging out on the couch together! :)

here is a shot of Lincoln and I getting ready to meet his Godmommy out for lunch! I feel like I look pretty good since this was taken only 6 weeks after having him! The weight loss has happened pretty quickly. I only have about 10 extra lbs to lose now! :) Just a little peek into our life. John and I have never been so happy most of all I feel like this completes our marriage! I can't wait to try for a little brother or sister for Lincoln! (nothing it set in stone but we have discussed trying when Lincoln is a year old) I hope to update again soon and tell a couple funny stories about me being a first time mom and things that are great and things that are not so great soon! Thank you to all of my readers! Have a wonderful week! :)

birth announcements!

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Being a mom...

It's only been 24 days since I became a mom and already my world has changed in ways I never thought it could.
I have this little man in my life now who I love more then I can explain. It's not the kind of love I have with my husband it's actually hard to describe. He is actually a part of me. When he hurts, I hurt. When he is happy, I am happy. It's a connection I have never experienced til
now. Things that used to bother me or make me angry just don't matter anymore. Life in a whole is just...better!
Now don't get me wrong, I have my moments where I think to myself, "What were you thinking??? Having a baby means you will never sleep through the night again!" So far this has been a very true statement. I have not slept a full night since Lincoln came into my world. However, I would rather sleep in only 2 hour intervals for the rest of my life then go a day without Lincoln. My relationship with my husband has changed 100%. I always knew I loved John but the day our son was born my love for him grew into something so much more. Not only is he my husband but he is now the father of my child. There is a beautiful life that I carried inside me for 9 long months and John is the man who helped me create it. 

I just wanted to write a short update today about how amazing life is with Lincoln. It's not always the easiest life and I have had quite a few challenges already but this is the life I wanted. I wanted that family life and now I have my family.

I will be sure to update again soon by the time Lincoln reaches 1 month :)

My birth story! Welcome Lincoln :)

Well the day FINALLY came. Our beautiful son Lincoln Michael-Eugene Miller came into the world. I wanted to share with you my birth story.

May 19th, 2012 around 4am I woke up with some pretty intense contractions. I tried and tried to fall back asleep but they just kept coming. I remember dozing off and getting woken up about 10 minutes later with a new contraction. I thought to myself, "well, today might be the day!" John left for work around 8:30am and I decided to lay down on the couch and just see what was going to happen with my contractions. 9am came around and I felt Lincoln's movement decrease. It was a very slow kinda kick. Not like Lincoln to be so inactive in the morning time so I waited and waited for more movement. I talked to my mom on the phone telling her I just wasn't feeling very well and I would let her know if anything changed but I felt very different. Around 10am I realized I had only felt him move once since I woke up for the day. My contractions were around 8-10 minutes apart but I worried with John being at work that I was too far from a hospital to wait it out so I called Dr. Sargent.
Dr. Sargent thought I should go into the hospital and at least get checked because my contractions were consistent and we needed to make sure the baby was okay because he wasn't moving. I called John who quickly left work and came to get me. For some reason I really felt like I should clean because I didn't know if I would ever be home without a baby again! I tried to clean but contractions kept me laying on my side til John arrived. We loaded me up in the car, our bags and the car seat was already in there waiting for us!
We arrived around 11:45am to the hospital where I got into a room and hooked up to monitors to see if I was in active labor. The nurse got me all set up and found I was actually having contractions about every 4-5 minutes that lasted around a minute each. I was checked for dilation and I was 2cm and about 70% effaced which is about where I was at my last doctor appointment. (I thought for sure that meant I was being sent home) Dr. Sargent had something else in mind. He instructed me to walk for about 2 hours to see if that got anything going. If I returned and I had any cervical change I was going to be admitted to have a baby. :)
John and I decided to take a walk over to the shopping center about 1/2 a mile down the road and grab a bite to eat. The walk was miserable. I felt like I was going to die from the pressure and the contractions I was having. We made it over there and decided to stop at Baja Fresh where I ordered a burrito with hot salsa and jalapenos. ( I thought that it was a good time to test the old wives tale about spicy food kick starting labor)
We walked and walked and walked, even John's legs were tired. I was nearly doubled over in pain with each contraction so we made our way back to the hospital. The nurse took one look at my face and said now that is a labor face! They put me in the jacuzzi tub for about 30 minutes just to help me relax a little while I waited to have my cervix checked again.
The nurse came in to check my cervix and I kept praying for some kind of change because I didn't want to go home feeling contractions every 4-5 minutes! She checked me which caused me to begin screaming and crying during a contraction but I was 3cm dilated and 85% effaced. She looked at me and said I wasn't leaving the hospital til I had a baby! At 3:30pm on May 19th, 2012 I was officially admitted to Portland Adventist to have my baby!
The next few hours were miserable. I was in pain and they kept offering my IV pain medications but I was trying to wait and just get an epidural. My doctor had told me he would let me get the epidural whenever I wanted it but would like me to at least be 4cm dilated! I labored and contracted forever it seemed. We called our families to let them know that Lincoln was on his way. My mom and step dad got ready to drive up from Eugene to meet him. It was a very exciting few hours with anticipation of Lincoln being here any time. It was around 5pm when a nurse told me I was making progress but it looked like Lincoln was going to be born after midnight. John and I settled in for what looked like a long night.
Around 7:30pm I was dilated to 4cm and was ready for my epidural but I was so so scare to get one. All this time I had been telling people I wanted an epidural but when actually faced with having to ask for it I was terrified! I decided to wait it out to see what happens. The doctor came in to the room about 8:30pm and had decided to break my water to speed things up. He did warn me that contractions were about to get a lot worse. He broke the bag of water and honestly I looked at John about 5 minutes later and told him I didn't feel like the contractions got worse. Just then a wave hit me and I felt the most intense and painful contraction I had ever felt. Yes, the doctor was right, my contractions continued to worsen over the next hour and I wanted an epidural but wanted to wait til my mom arrived so I could at least see them before I got it and tried to sleep. My mom and step dad arrived around 9:45pm and by that time I was just in horrible pain. he nurse gave me some IV pain medicine but it wasn't nearly enough to make the pain stop! After saying hi to my mom I told John to call the nurse. He hit my button and as soon as I heard the pleasant voice asking how they could help I yelled, "EPIDURAL!!!!"
John went to eat some food and my mom stayed with me while I got my epidural. The anesthesiologist, Dr.Usher was amazing. He came right in and started placing my epidural. He warned me I was going to feel burning and a little sharp pain but honestly when he was finished I didn't even know he had already poked me. Now I don't know if he is just that good or if my pain was too great to care about a little needle poke but the epidural made me feel all better. I ended up falling asleep and relaxing without feeling any of the contractions I was having. At this time to keep my progress going while I slept the doctor ordered to start me on pitocin.
At 1:30am I woke up to still no baby. The nurse was ready to check me and to both of our surprise I had jumped from 4cm dilated all the way to 8 1/2cm dilated and about 95% effaced. I was so ready and felt the baby would come any minute! I wish I could say that I dilated the extra 2cm and we were good to go but our story doesn't pick back up until around 3:50am when I was finally 100% effaced and 10cm dilated. Dr. Sargent came into my room and asked me if I was ready to start pushing. Words can't even begin to tell you what I felt in this moment but I will try. I was terrified of actually pushing the baby out. I had seen so many episodes of "A Baby Story" on TLC and a lot of times I see a birth turn into a c-section because the baby is too big. I didn't want that to happen but I pushed my fear aside and started my pushing. I only had my husband at my side at this point. This was an intimate moment that I only wanted to share with the person who I had created this beautiful life with. I remember telling him to get the camera ready ASAP so he could catch his first breath on camera. I began to push.
Now pushing is nothing like I saw on TV or even read in any baby book. I would push for 10 second intervals 3 times in a row and then I would stop and breathe waiting for another contraction. in the 3-5 minutes between contractions I found myself falling asleep just from how exhausted I was and the nurse kept having to wake me to push again. I continued this for a while and looked at the clock to find I was already pushing for an hour. Still no baby and I am getting tired. I also noticed at this point that I could move my legs better and my epidural seemed to be running out. I had a button to deliver extra medication into my epidural so I started to use that. I felt an enormous amount of pressure but no pain as I continued. It was about 6:30am when the doctor started to tell me he could see the head and boy does he have a lot of hair! I pushed and pushed and pushed and at 7:05am May 20th, 2012 I saw the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I saw my son being lifted up by Dr. Sargent and handed over to me. Lincoln was born and placed on my chest while he was cleaned up. I have never felt the type of love that washed over me in the moment he was born. I felt like I hadn't been a complete person in my life and Lincoln just filled that part of me to make me whole.  John kissed me and we both cried. Lincoln weighed in at 8lbs and 3oz and was 19 inches long.

It has been a week since Lincoln joined our family and well it has been an adjustment. It's amazing to have this little human that needs you 24/7. Lincoln, John and I went home on May 22nd. Lincoln met our dog Wicket and we have been a little family ever since. John has been on paternity leave from work this week and we have decided that next week he will return to work for a week and then take another week off after that. I am going to do my best to update my blog with how Lincoln is doing but since it will be my first time home alone with a newborn I may be a little busy. This post took me a couple of days to write) :)

Thank you to all of our wonderful friends and family who have come to meet our newest addition to the family. Also a very special thank you to those of you who have made us meals and brought over food to help us out. I hope you all stay tuned to my blog since I will be keeping it up for Lincoln's first year and then there has been talk about us having a second baby after a year :)

My summer bucket list....

So a friend of mine made a summertime bucket list on her blog and I figured with a new baby on the way I want to make a list of things we can do this summer as a family. :)

1. Take Lincoln to the Oregon Zoo

2. Take a day trip to the coast

3. Take Lincoln to the pool 

4. Take a family trip to Seattle and visit Pike Place Market

5. Take Lincoln to his first kickball game

6. Go to the Portland Saturday Market and spend the day downtown

I plan to add to this list once he gets here but these are my top things I really want to do this summer. With John and I having weekends together it seems like we would be able to knock a lot of these things off my list. I can't wait to have my little family together so we can start doing things together! This summer is going to be the craziest and best summer we have had so far. Each year will just keep getting better!

I can see an end in sight!

So John and I went to my weekly doctor appointment to see what is going on with my body and to see if Lincoln is any closer to joining our family!
Dr. Sargent determined I have had a little change. I am dilated at a little over 2cm and I am 80% effaced now which is excellent. He still thinks I could go into labor at any moment but I am feeling less and less hopeful of an early delivery. I am really okay with going my full 40 weeks or longer at this point. I am ready to have the baby but I know when he is ready he will let me know.
Dr. Sargent measured me and surprisingly I am now measuring at 40 weeks. My belly is HUGE! The biggest surprise was he is now thinking Lincoln weighs about 8 lbs if not a little more! I was really happy to hear everything is going well but very anxious hearing Lincoln is already 8lbs. So I asked when he would be wanting to induce or if he would induce.
I was very happy to hear that he wants to see me back next Monday to see where I am at and if labor hasn't happened by Monday we will schedule an induction for next week! So by May 25th Lincoln will most likely be born. I can't believe I can actually see an end date on when I will get to meet my baby boy! Of course Lincoln can always decide to join us sooner then later. ;)

I also wanted to share that this past Sunday was my unofficial first Mother's Day! It was amazing to know that I am so close to being a mother. Just thinking about becoming a mom makes me tear up. John and I are so ready for this next step! John is a wonderful dad already but he doesn't get to do the things I know he wants to do. He wants to coach sports teams. He wants to be the parent and with his daughter he really doesn't get to do a lot of that. His ex wife is great and we do get along but honestly we don't always agree with parenting which is hard. We don't get to see her often enough to change how she is being raised and honestly it's not fair to her to change how she has been raised for almost 10 years. Having this baby is a brand new start for John as a daddy. He is going to be able to raise his son with a wife who agrees with him and wants the same things for our children. I love watching his face light up when he says his son will be born soon!
Back to the mother's day...
It was just like a normal Sunday. We got up and I started getting ready to go to breakfast with my Mother in law and Father in law. John kept going in and out of Lincoln's room which is typically what I do but it's been super warm out and we have been keeping all of our doors shut to keep the heat out of our living room. John came out of Lincoln's room holding a little Steelers baby toy that I got as a gift at one of my showers. I am a Steeler fan and he is a 49ers fan so he told me that we needed to place the toy in the bathroom in case we run out of toilet paper. I laughed and took the toy away from him to put it back in the baby room. I noticed in Lincoln's crib a picture frame and a card.

 The picture frame is for me to fill with family pictures once Lincoln is born. I am obsessed with getting pictures done and John knows I will want to flood our home with pictures ASAP :) The card however is what really touched me and made me cry. I really didn't expect anything from my husband since Lincoln hasn't been born yet but this was just amazing of him. I have never felt so lucky. My husband is amazing and well I am ready to build my family with this amazing man.

We will see what happens this week. Baby or not it is getting close to the end. I want to thank everyone who has supported us through this and everyone who has been following our story. I hope to be able to update everyone soon with maybe Lincoln's first picture! :)

Things I am currently craving....

Since I found out I was pregnant naturally I had to cut back or give up foods and drinks that I love. The sacrifice is well worth it but I am currently daydreaming about the things I miss.
I thought why not share it with all of you! :)

Item #1:

I miss sushi!

My favorite food and my favorite date night with the hubby. Meeka Sushi is one of our favorites and I cant wait to take Lincoln for his first sushi once he is old enough:)

I also miss my sushi dates with my girls (especially Amy) at Mio Sushi! I have gone twice to eat sushi since pregnant and well that is not nearly enough!

Item #2:

Kickball

I miss playing kickball on Sunday's with my husband and our friends. Sitting on the sidelines is not nearly as fun as playing. I know Lincoln will love coming to our kickball games.

Item #3:

WINE!!!!!

I am not a huge drinker but I am looking forward to enjoying a glass of wine here and there. I love to go wine tasting and I love to enjoy a glass of wine on a nice warm summer night with my husband! Every summer we watch our summer reality tv show, (Big Brother) and enjoy a glass or two of wine together. I am so excited to enjoy some adult time this year once Lincoln is in bed :)

Item #4:

Beer...not just any beer....

I miss Optimator and getting our boots at Prost!

Now with a new little one I am going to bet that I wont be getting a ton of boots this summer but I do know I will get to enjoy a beer again! 

Item #5:

Dutch Bros Coffee...with caffeine

 I have been enjoying my coffee in decaf but honestly I miss just having that extra boost to get me through the day. Caffeine and myself have had a very close relationship since I was honestly a kid. I have always loved coffee and once I met Dutch Bros I just fell deeper in love with coffee! I cant wait to enjoy a real coffee again! 

Item #6:

Costco Polish dogs!

Now I know I probably could have continued eating these but I read it wasn't good for the baby so I gave up my bi-monthly costco treat. I know a lot of people may find it disgusting but hey...I love these things and one of them every once in a while is fine in my book! :)

Item #7:
Pencil skirts!

I love to wear pencil skirts to work or even with a casual t shirt on the summer weekends. Something I haven't been able to wear since I was about 15 weeks pregnant and I can't wait to get back into them at the office.

Item #7:
Heels!!!!!

I wore heels as long as I possibly could. Pretty sure I wore my last pair of heels in Mexico at 31 weeks to an awards dinner with my husband. I went to get up on stage and almost fell over and well I broke the strap and ended up wearing flip flops on stage! :) I decided not to wear heels after that. I can't wait to dust those pretty babies off and pull them out of hiding in my closet!


So this is really what I have been missing most and I am so excited to be able to enjoy these little things again once Lincoln is born.

another funny story....

This past Sunday I had my final baby shower and at 38 weeks I was very uncomfortable and having contractions. After the baby shower I did my thank yous to my mother in law and headed out to go pick up my husband at the kickball field.
{A short back story on "kickball". My husband is the captain of our co-ed kickball team, Red Ball and Vodka that plays every Sunday at a park in Portland. Sunday afternoons are spent at the park with friends, food, and drinks. We both love it and once Lincoln is born he will join us for kickball Sundays}
So I head to the park and although I am exhausted I haven't seen our friends in a while so we hang out for a little bit before we go to the pizza place to celebrate our win.

Here is what the kickball field is like on a Sunday. Lots of fun :)

Back to my story. I am exhausted and starting to feel nauseated so I talked to my husband and we decided it was time to go to the pizza place with the other teams. I figured sitting down and water might help my contractions. So we arrive at the pizza place and I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything. I started drinking water but I was just feeling horrible. My contractions were getting closer and closer together and I was starting to wonder if maybe this big day had started labor. I was sitting at the table when I felt some fluid trickle down my leg. I get up and waddle my way to the bathroom to see what was going on. Once in the bathroom I am positive this is my water breaking. It didn't smell like urine and well I was having contractions. I go back to the table and tell my husband I think my water broke and we have to go to the hospital. Well being at this pizza place with a bunch of other people everyone noticed us getting up suddenly to leave. We told everyone my water broke and we are headed to the hospital. Everyone got excited. Everyone was clapping and cheering as we left the building. I contact my doctor and we start headed in. 

Once at the hospital I get hooked up to monitors and it's time to check me. I am no more dilated and effacement hasn't changed since my last appointment so the nurse does a check to see if my fluid is in fact amniotic fluid. After running a couple tests she determined I was dehydrated and that was causing the contractions. She also verified that the water breaking I thought I had experienced was actually my bladder letting out some urine. So basically I just left a pizza place full of friends announcing my water broke and in all reality I just peed myself a little bit.

So I drank a bunch of water and they sent me home in hopes I do go into labor soon.

Here is what my facebook status read that evening:

{To those of you who were at Mississippi applauding me because I thought my water broke...well...I was wrong...it was pee! Which is so embarrassing but I figured I should share that with you all! No baby yet! Let's hope soon!}

So I am hoping for a baby soon because I am still having contractions and more uncomfortable then ever. I feel like I am going to be pregnant forever! 

Well that is my funny story of the week. I hope you all enjoyed and have a wonderful day :)

FULL TERM!

The day I felt would never come has actually come. For those of you who don't know w hole lot about pregnancy I will kinda fill you in on how it works. Pregnancy gestational period is 40 weeks however once you reach 37 weeks you are considered full term and the baby really could come at any point after the 37 week mark and not be considered premature.
I am officially 37 weeks pregnant and well from my appointment on Monday it feels like the baby could be ready to come very soon. I am measuring at 38 weeks. My cervix is dilated 1.5 cm and I am 70% effaced. I am having a contraction about every 20-30 minutes as of now and that has been happening since yesterday. In all reality my due date is only 21 days away is just crazy. Only 21 more days til I am officially a mom. I feel like I am ready for this but at the same time I feel like I could have a major panic attack. All my life I have wanted to be a mommy and start a family. When I met John it just clicked and I knew I would have a family with him. Now that family is actually almost here. I am just in shock and so excited!
I got released and put on maternity leave last Monday so this is officially my 2nd week on maternity leave. I have gotten the baby room pretty much ready and I have one final baby shower this coming weekend. I have trouble standing for any amount of time anymore. The baby is so low he is pushing on my nerves and my right leg will suddenly go numb. I feel like I am ready for this.
Hurry up, Lincoln! Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you!

Things I thought I knew about pregnancy that I really didn't....

Things I thought I knew about pregnancy that I really didn't....

Amniotic fluid is cold: 
At least I always thought it was. Turns out the baby books state it is warm because it comes from inside you. (go figure) This is one I recently learned when I peed myself and my husband asked how I knew it wasn't my water breaking. I told him first off it was warm. Yeah, he looked at me kinda strange and broke the news to me. :)

I will have crazy cravings: 
I saw myself eating pickles and ice cream, Doritos and chocolate but in reality I haven't craved anything weird. I will really want fruit, or ice cream but never some crazy combo. Oh and really I craved pickles for maybe a week. The giant jar I bought is still in our fridge! I also expected to beg my hubby to go out in the middle of the night to satisfy a craving. That also has not happened.

I will be active and continue to work out during my pregnancy: 
Well I did for the fist 14 weeks. I played kickball til my second trimester. However once I got a belly I pretty much didn't have the energy I thought I would. Do I feel guilty? Nope! I am still a healthy weight and will get back into my active routine soon.

The only painful part of pregnancy is labor:
This one is so far from true! I don't know how the movies make it seem like women are just happily living their life until the water breaks. I believed I would be working up until my due date but nope. I have a lot of pelvic pressure. I have contractions every so often. I sometimes have the craziest pains based off of Lincoln moving in my ribcage. I didn't expect the last month to be so uncomfortable! Guess I was wrong.

I am only going to gain the minimum healthy weight for the baby:
Great theory but everyone is different. I thought I was going to not gain any weight. In reality I have gained around 40lbs. Now most people tell me I look so tiny and that I don't look like I've gained that much but I tell the truth. The scale cant lie! I did expect to freak out about my weight but honestly I know it's temporary and all worth it for Lincoln.

I am not going to eat sushi, lunch meat, hotdogs, or drink coffee while pregnant:
I did really well on this one. In the beginning I switched to decaf coffee and well sushi, lunch meat, and my favorite Costco polish dogs were off the menu. Around my 2nd trimester I started feeling a little better about my possibility of miscarriage so slowly I would eat sushi. I even added in a couple caffeinated Dutch Bros here and there. I eventually gave in and well I had a Costco polish dog about a week ago. I don't feel bad. I still eat my fruits and veggies a lot more then the no-no foods!

Your belly is the only thing that grows:
WRONG! I had no idea my boobs would get so big! Oh and my butt! I won't lie at first the growing backside just devastated me. As time has passed I have gotten more comfortable with my growing body parts and I am even hoping the booty sticks around at this point. I always has a flatter backside and well I defiantly have some junk in my truck now! However I was happy with my 'c' cup boobies and the 'dd' is just too much! :)

Baby books tell you everything you need to know:
They are very helpful but everyday I seem to have something happen or a new discharge or pain that is perfectly "normal" but NOT at all in the baby book! I start to learn things as I go. Like the baby "dropping" I didn't realize I would feel him drop. I also wasn't aware of the pain I would feel from him dropping.

Everyone at your baby shower will buy you newborn outfits:
I heard this early on in the pregnancy and after finding out I was having a boy I went right out and bought a onesie set in blue because I was so excited! After that I got some newborn onesies from my mom just for fun and well I continued to buy stuff 3months or higher. My showers came and well I think I got maybe 3 or 4 newborn sized outfits. Everyone else got me 3-6 months pretty much! :) I guess I learned on this one that you can't predict what different people will buy for as a shower gift and well every shower is different too.

I probably will have a lot more of these that I can share but this is all I have for now! :)

OMG my water broke...well...not really

Now I know EVERY single one of you is thinking, "Wow, her water broke already?"
It's kind of a funny story. I'll start by saying no, my water did not break and my discovery was most embarrassing so I figured I would share it with you.
A couple days ago I was home from work before I got put on maternity leave. I was sitting on the couch talking my husband's ear off which is something I do pretty regularly. I went to stand up to get more water and I felt a trickle of liquid running down my leg. Since I have been having contractions my first thought was that my water had broken. I awkwardly waddle to the bathroom and began telling my husband that my water broke. My poor husband being such a concerned soon to be daddy was right outside the bathroom door asking if he could do anything. He was ready to call my doctor and just ready to take this on. Once in the bathroom I began to look closer at the situation. The liquid did not smell anything like I read it should smell like, in fact in smelled like urine.
So I got to tell my husband through the bathroom door that I was fine and we didn't need to call the doctor. He was confused because I had told him my water broke and in his mind how would I mistake that for something else. I had to explain when I thought was a little amniotic fluid turned out to be pee. Yes love, I peed my pants a little bit when I stood up.

I guess there are more embarrassing things that could happen and I could have kept this story to myself but I am a firm believer in laughing at yourself whenever you can.

Pregnancy hasn't been nearly as glamorous as I had imagined but I would and will do it all over again someday. John and I have already decided that we will have more children together after Lincoln is born and I hope to keep this blog going as Lincoln grows up and we begin to expand our family together. We don't have an exact number in mind as far as how many children we will have but I do know we plan on at least 1 more. Our plan is to start trying for a 2nd baby once Lincoln is 1 years old.
I hope you all continue to read about our family as Lincoln is born and grows up into a toddler :)

Maternity leave has officially begun!

After a couple of really busy weekends with baby showers, Monday came along and I was exhausted. I felt like I hadn't slept in weeks and I was cramping up really bad. I decided to stay home from work and hoped to feel better later that day.
Around 10am I was having really bad contractions and started spotting a little bit. My pelvic pressure was unbearable. My husband wanted me to call the doctor who had us come to the office to check my cervix. We got to Dr. Sargent's office and got checked. He determined I am dilated 1 cm but my cervix is still long. With the pelvic pressure I am having Dr. Sargent recommended I begin my maternity leave instead of waiting for May 9th.
So here I am, day 1 of my maternity leave. Although I am uncomfortable I am glad to be at home and relaxing. So far today I packed my diaper bag and unloaded the dishwasher. Now I am laying down and breathing through contractions.
Dr. Sargent would like me to stay pregnant for 2 weeks at the least so we will see if Lincoln has the same idea. In the meantime, I am open for visitors who would like to come over and help me with Lincoln's room or with little things around the house that I am having trouble doing. :) 

4 weeks and 4 days to go

I find myself just sitting in Lincoln's room. Imagining what it will be like once he is actually here. I know there is absolutely no way I will ever be 100% prepared for what is to come but I do know I am ready. I am ready to be a mom. Now I have been like a mom before in my life. I am a dog mom. Now before you go and say that isn't even close to the same thing, I know that. But since my dog was pretty much born he has been in my life. I have made sacrifices for my dog, and well I would give a kidney to my dog if he needed it. (Anyone who knows me knows that I just LOVE my dog). I am well aware that a dog is very different from a child. I am a step mom. Which is similar to being a mother. I spend time with her and take care of her, but at the end of the day I didn't give birth to her so our bond won't be the same as her's with her mother. This is actually my time to become a real mother.
Sometimes I find myself just standing in the doorway of Lincoln's room thinking about how long I have wanted to have a family. I can remember thinking about having a family when I was younger. I would imagine things like family photos and camping trips. I think of what my parents used to do with me and my sister. I can remember my mom hated store bought Valentines to give to my class. She would take my sister and I to the craft store to pick out glitter and paper to make our own cards for our classmates. A lot of that is now instilled in me. I make a lot of homemade little cards now in my adult life and I can only think back that my mom made me think that store bought cards are just not good enough! (I do still buy Hallmark cards from time to time, I just don't if I can help it). I think of my family camping trips. Every summer my family and I would get in the big ol Suburban and drive to some campground. My Aunt and Uncle brought the trailer loaded up with bikes and gear and we would spend a whole weekend just roasting marshmallows or my personal favorite, playing in the hammock. These are the good memories I want to make with my own children and husband.
The best part about starting my family is that I am starting it with the most supportive husband any girl could ask for. I love how John already talks about trips to Disneyland and even saving money for Lincoln to go to college! John is already thinking about coaching sports for Lincoln also. I couldn't ask for a better partner.
Funny how this post really turned into me just thinking of the past and how it will mold the future for my baby boy. I really wanted to write about how excited I am that I am really only a month away from meeting my little boy. Just have one more part to get through and that is the labor part. I wont lie to you, I am scared to death of giving birth. At the same time I wish it would happen sooner then later because it will be well worth it to meet our baby.

Boudoir maternity photos...(mature audience only)

A couple weekends ago I booked a wonderful photography session with a friend and photographer Lisa Larson of LisaMarie Photography. Check out her facebook!
The boudoir session was held at The Nines, a luxury Portland hotel. I showed up and had my hair done by Bridget Dixon and my make up done by Monica Ninh. Be sure to check out Monica's website
I hadn't felt this beautiful throughout my whole pregnancy. For once I felt amazing and it is great to have that captured for me forever. I will always have this beautiful memory of being pregnant with my first son and that is something I wouldn't trade for the world.

Lisa took a bunch of super classy photos on me and my baby bump and although they are very intimate I really wanted to share a few of them here. I am not ashamed of my body right now and feel that every woman (pregnant or not) should have themselves photographed like this. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and I can't thank Lisa enough for making this memory for me and also for my husband. John loves these beautiful photos. It shows a side of pregnancy that gets lost in today's society. When you think of pregnancy you automatically thing of big moo-moo dresses and stretchy pants. I am glad to share the sexy and beautiful side of pregnancy.
Please feel free to leave comments about your favorite photos. :)

I am glad to be able to share these: