Eventful 2 weeks...

Since August 3rd where I sat and patiently waited for my test results, so much has happened. My doctor called and confirmed I do have cervical cancer. After a week of feeling lost and like my world had fallen apart I went in on Friday for a cervical cone biopsy. Dr. Sargent went in and removed two cone shaped pieces of tissue from my cervix where the cancer was located. I was hoping the cancer would be easily treatable. I got my results yesterday that Dr. Sargent was able to remove all of the cancer from my cervix and now all I have to do is have check ups every 4 months for the next 16 months and if I am good we will space them out to 6 months until I am able to go back to yearly check ups. So basically as soon as I was diagnosed with cancer I also beat it. Whew! What a roller coaster that was. However in that short time I found myself struggling. I have had the worst self esteem and the worst anxiety. I am determined to nip this in the bud and get my confident self back on track. First things first...baby weight! it's been almost 13 weeks since I gave birth to Lincoln and my weight is 126 when I was previously 120 before getting pregnant. Now the 6 lbs I have to go is great but I really should be closer to 115lbs. When I got pregnant with Links I had had a miscarriage about 2 months prior and had 5 lbs I gained during those 8 weeks that I never lost. So I am still looking at about 11 lbs until I am back to pre pregnancy but I would honestly be fine with losing the 6lbs I have to get back to 120. The weight is just a start though. On top of struggling with losing my final 6 lbs I am struggling with being a mom. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I know I am Lincoln's mom but I rarely have the time to stop and think about myself. I don't feel sexy I just feel, blah most days. I am determined to snap out of this funk though. No matter how I am feeling I do look in the mirror and that woman I was before pregnancy is still there I just need to remember that and keep pushing myself to get to where I was! The irony in all of this is I am fighting to get back to where I was yet I think about getting pregnant with baby #2 in about a year if my cervical cancer stays at bay. lol. The last and final thing I am scared and struggling with is I am only 2 days away until I get my braces on! EEEK! After years of looking at my smile and wishing it was straighter I am actually doing something about it! Adult braces. Maybe the most embarrassing thing I will deal with in my adult life but maybe not, I mean I did pee myself in public and announce it as my water breaking! I will be sure to post a pic of my braces once they are on!

So here I am...I haven't showered...I have a little acne breakout...and I am exhausted but I am still me. I know who I am inside and as long as I let the inside shine I know the outside will fall into place!