I'm back!

Since my last update a lot has changed for the Miller Family. Once big update is we have an almost 16 month old! He is walking and talking and such a joy to have around! So quick run down... About 1 month before Lincoln's first birthday we decided it was time to start planning and thinking of having our second. We decided to start trying right away since I had my cone biopsy less then a year ago and we were prepared for it to be a long process like it was to get Lincoln. 2 weeks before Lincolns birthday I was just not feeling like myself! I took a test and there they were! Those 2 pink lines that I felt were so hard to come by when we tried for Lincoln! I was shocked! Excited, terrified, and SHOCKED! I told John in the morning who had me take another test. It was also positive! At this point I was only 3-4 weeks pregnant so we decided to keep the news to ourselves! Expect on mothers day when visiting with my in laws I got offered a beer and when I turned it down of course that raises eye brows! (what can I say? I like beer!) By Lincoln's first birthday we had told our family that baby #2 was on the way! This was on May 20th! I am about 22 weeks along now and we found out we are having another boy! His name is Bentley Matthew! So our second big change is we started house hunting! We put an offer in on a beautiful 4 bedroom 2.5 bathroom home in Troutdale about 2 months ago! Everything has gone smoothly and we signed our closing documents yesterday! We should have keys on the 12th of this month! This is all so exciting to finally have a home for our family! I have been so excited to move and decorate and get this home all ready for our new edition! That brings me to the 3rd change. Recently I found out that my cone biopsy has made my pregnancy complicated. I lost 2 cm in cervical length and have been placed on bed rest until further notice due to being high risk for pre term labor. So far my check ups have shown improvement however not enough improvement to let me return to normal activity. I have had one bad day with contractions that landed me in the hospital. Luckily through all of this, Bentley has remained healthy and looks great. Our main goal is to keep him in as long as possible to ensure a healthy full term baby! This will be a challenge for my family. I am currently unable to pick up Lincoln. I am not able to lift or stay on my feet for too long. Moving into our home will be tough for my husband but we have support and help to get us in there. In the meantime I am pretty useless. I have decided to start my blog back up in order to hopefully keep me occupied through all of these changes in which I am confined to my home. I am planning on doing crafts and maybe making some good food while I am off my feet! (we will see about the food thing but maybe as time goes on I will be able to at least do that!) I appreciate everyone supporting me in this and I hope to continue to keep everyone updated as I go through this bed rest journey!

Thanksgiving...

I can't believe that my very most FAVORITE holiday is this week! Why do I love Thanksgiving?? Oh well, it could be about the wonderful food you get to eat. Last year I was pregnant and remember telling myself FINALLY I can eat as many helpings as I want with no judgement but I was pregnant and food just made me feel sick sometimes. I got to eat a little bit but after 1 plate I was done for. This year I get to enjoy it again and I have a wonderful little 6 month old who is LOVING food currently and wants a bite of everything we eat! I can't wait to share this with him. To be serious for a minute I do love the food but I also love that it's about being thankful. When I look back at my life I look at these past few years and I truly have so much to be thankful for. I have the most amazing, loving husband who truly makes each and every day fun and exciting. He makes me laugh and just brings so much to the relationship. I have a beautiful family. 6 months in and I can defiantly say that I was born to be a mom. I am so excited aver every new thing he does. Of course I also have a wonderful step daughter who helps complete our little family. She is the best big sister Lincoln could ask for and the 10 year age gap makes for a great little helper. John and I are blessed with great parents on both sides. Lincoln is so so lucky to have so many grandparents. 4 sets to love on him and help teach him, AND to watch him on Saturdays ;). We have some amazing friends. John and I have always had amazing friends but over the years we have collected some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. Our "kickball" friends who we have met through playing kickball are just amazing people and we are so thankful for them. Those are some things I am thankful for :) I hope all of the wonderful people in our lives had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I started writing this post weeks ago but being a new mom I got sidetracked and didn't post it! So I figured I would go back and make sure it got put up on the blog :)

things I have learned as a new mom....

So far being a mom there are a few things I have learned... #1. Don't change a babies diaper with them facing you. Also don't have your mouth open while changing a diaper. This goes hand in hand. Media did not reflect that I may want to do this. I actually only found pictures oh how to change a diaper the wrong way.

See in the picture if this was a boy and started to pee guess where the pee will go...Yup all over mom or dad. My "keep your mouth closed" part is pretty self explanatory. #2. Baby shampoo is not as gentle as pure water. In fact I got some in my eye the other day and although it didn't feel as bad as real shampoo...it still sucked. Not to mention, have you ever gotten water in your eyes? Still it could cause tears especially for a baby. So the "no tears" is pretty much a lie. Now I know everyone wants to know how I got baby shampoo in my eye. I promise it was an accident and I wasn't trying to prove it didn't hurt baby's eyes.

#3. Organic doesn't mean it tastes good! Now that Links is introduced to baby food I find myself wondering if it tastes good to him because lets be honest I tasted breast milk and I wouldn't recommend it. Lincoln will eat practically anything you put in front of him so I figured, it must taste really good! Well I am wrong. A lot of the food tastes worse then breast milk. We wonder why our babies sometimes turn into picky eaters. I think it's because they finally eat something that tastes good and they just don't trust us to introduce "good" food because of how we start them out! ;)

So there is my top 3 list of things I have learned. I wanted to share so that people can learn from my trials and errors :) I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Holidays

I look at the calendar and I can't believe how close we are to all of the holidays. First off Halloween is coming! I can't wait to take my baby trick or treating in his costume! I know he will love it! I can't wait for Thanksgiving. To show Lincoln what I am thankful for. This year I am so grateful to be spending Thanksgiving with my wonderful little family! Last Thanksgiving I was pregnant but it wasn't very far into the pregnancy. I had no idea I would have this handsome baby boy! I didn't know who Lincoln was, he had no name he was just this little life that had just begun growing. this year I have probably the most handsome son who looks so much like his handsome daddy! I am so blessed and can't wait to give thanks, eat tons of food, and well...watch football on thanksgiving! :) Then of course there is Christmas! Probably the holiday I have been looking forward to the most because I can't wait for Lincoln to sit on Santa's lap and make Christmas lists. There is so much that I want to show him! We get to start our family traditions. I just love having this little baby and I am so happy to share my life with all of my friends, family and my followers! I thank everyone for your support and love as we continue through Lincoln's first year! :) John and I are so blessed with so much love and happiness!

Baby free for a minute

I can't believe that Lincoln is about to be 4 months old! My last post I talked about struggling with self esteem and not feeling beautiful anymore. Well I really stepped up and worked so hard and I am happy to say that my baby weight is GONE! ALL gone! I am back down to 120lbs! I still want to continue to be healthy so I am keeping with it and doing daily toning exercises to help me tone my abs. All of this isn't easy with an almost 4 month old that I take care of every morning but I am getting through it! I also got my braces on! Things are starting to look much much better and well my confidence is back! :) I had to just start out with that! Next, I have possibly the most BEAUTIFUL child in the entire world! He is just SO handsome! He is growing so so fast and I am such a proud mom! Links looks more and more like his handsome daddy everyday and I just love looking at them and knowing they hold my whole heart! <3 Now I finally had a moment to update the blog because Links is off at daycare because I have a dentist appointment so after a shower and a cup of coffee I have a couple of minutes to write and breathe. I absolutely miss my son already! But I gotta get some teeth pulled for my braces so I will enjoy a small relaxing morning! Here are a few pics to update on what is new

Had to share some braces pics and a new pic of Lincoln! Now my last update is to share a couple of funny parts of being a mom. First off...Kids tv shows...All I have to say is Dora the Explorer was on a boat with a bunch of cats and was trying to stop them from getting wet. Yeah I couldn't stop laughing. Maybe I'm immature or maybe the writers of Dora the Explorer are SICK! lol second, my bladder is not as strong as it used to be so the occasional trickle of pee when I sneeze continues like I was pregnant. There are worse things in life so I just laugh it off. But next time you make me laugh real hard just remember I could start to pee a little bit! I am off to the dentist! I hope all of my friends, family, and followers are doing fantastic! <3 you all!

3 months old!

Yesterday Lincoln Turned 3 months old. I still feel like it was yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital. I remember John and I sitting on the couch with him and looking at each other like, "now what?" lol Lincoln is growing and changing so fast! I can't believe how big he is already. The biggest milestone to date would be that Lincoln has spent 2 nights in his big boy crib! Last night I hear him awake on the baby monitor and I go in to his room to find he has rolled onto his tummy from his back and is trying to roll back over. I take him out and sit in the glider chair to feed him. As I sit there I start thinking back to the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I remember being pregnant and miserable and sitting in Lincolns room in the middle of the night imagining what it was going to be like to have a baby and rock him to sleep. Last night it occurred to me that it is a million times better then I ever imagined. Being a mom has changed and enriched my life in so many ways. I am happy to be a mommy and as Lincoln grows and changes I just see John light up. Lincoln is his son and that is a bond I will forever be jealous of! I'm glad though, I wanted John to get his baby boy! Of course when I see Lincoln just wanting his daddy I always get a little jealous! I just wanted to update that Lincoln is 3 months and sleeping in his crib now! Pretty crazy because just over 3 months ago I was sitting in his room wondering if he would ever decide to come out! :)

Eventful 2 weeks...

Since August 3rd where I sat and patiently waited for my test results, so much has happened. My doctor called and confirmed I do have cervical cancer. After a week of feeling lost and like my world had fallen apart I went in on Friday for a cervical cone biopsy. Dr. Sargent went in and removed two cone shaped pieces of tissue from my cervix where the cancer was located. I was hoping the cancer would be easily treatable. I got my results yesterday that Dr. Sargent was able to remove all of the cancer from my cervix and now all I have to do is have check ups every 4 months for the next 16 months and if I am good we will space them out to 6 months until I am able to go back to yearly check ups. So basically as soon as I was diagnosed with cancer I also beat it. Whew! What a roller coaster that was. However in that short time I found myself struggling. I have had the worst self esteem and the worst anxiety. I am determined to nip this in the bud and get my confident self back on track. First things first...baby weight! it's been almost 13 weeks since I gave birth to Lincoln and my weight is 126 when I was previously 120 before getting pregnant. Now the 6 lbs I have to go is great but I really should be closer to 115lbs. When I got pregnant with Links I had had a miscarriage about 2 months prior and had 5 lbs I gained during those 8 weeks that I never lost. So I am still looking at about 11 lbs until I am back to pre pregnancy but I would honestly be fine with losing the 6lbs I have to get back to 120. The weight is just a start though. On top of struggling with losing my final 6 lbs I am struggling with being a mom. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I know I am Lincoln's mom but I rarely have the time to stop and think about myself. I don't feel sexy I just feel, blah most days. I am determined to snap out of this funk though. No matter how I am feeling I do look in the mirror and that woman I was before pregnancy is still there I just need to remember that and keep pushing myself to get to where I was! The irony in all of this is I am fighting to get back to where I was yet I think about getting pregnant with baby #2 in about a year if my cervical cancer stays at bay. lol. The last and final thing I am scared and struggling with is I am only 2 days away until I get my braces on! EEEK! After years of looking at my smile and wishing it was straighter I am actually doing something about it! Adult braces. Maybe the most embarrassing thing I will deal with in my adult life but maybe not, I mean I did pee myself in public and announce it as my water breaking! I will be sure to post a pic of my braces once they are on!

So here I am...I haven't showered...I have a little acne breakout...and I am exhausted but I am still me. I know who I am inside and as long as I let the inside shine I know the outside will fall into place!