31 weeks today!

I can't believe in 9 short weeks we are expecting newest addition to the Miller family! John and I have been waiting for this day since before this pregnancy started! Since the day I met John it seems like we have been talking and dreaming of starting our family. John is everything I have ever wanted in a husband and father for my kids! Getting pregnant didn't come as easy as it does for most. We actually got pregnant shortly before we got engaged. I had been switching to a different birth control at that time and started getting super sick. I dropped a bunch of weight and was just miserable. I decided to take a pregnancy test and was shocked to see it was positive. I freaked and after a week of knowing I was pregnant I finally told John. Now I imagined the worst reaction out of him and knew we were going to have a lot to talk about but really the reaction I got was pure joy and excitement. John told me I am everything he wanted in a wife and mother for his children and he wanted a family with me!
Sadly a week later I suffered a miscarriage. I was devastated but at the same time we both thought about it and realized we wanted to plan a baby and we needed more time to grow as a couple and possibly even get married.
About 2 months later John proposed to me on his birthday. John and I started planning a wedding and well the thought of having a baby was always on our minds.
Around 6 months before the wedding John and I discussed going off birth control to prepare for having children after our wedding. So we discussed it and decided it was what we wanted. Every month I was prepared to see that I could be pregnant but every month my wonderful period came and went like normal.  We weren't really "trying" to get pregnant but we weren't "not trying" either.
The wedding came and I swear that night we were both so ready to say we were actually trying to get pregnant! That month came and went and still no luck. At this point I had been off of any kind of birth control for about 8 months. The month after our wedding we went to Mexico for a work trip/honeymoon! Well a little vacation is JUST what we needed because shortly after coming home I got my positive test! John and I were probably the happiest people in the world! So ready to start a family and excited to know we were going to have a baby. I had my first doctor appointment and everything was looking good!
At 8 weeks I was getting stuff ready for a BBQ we were having for John's birthday. I would be about 9 weeks on his birthday and every day was rough. I was sick all the time and that morning I had some weird cramping. On John's birthday I woke up and found I had some bloody discharge happening. I was terrified that something was wrong. I called my doctor office several times and each time they told me some spotting was normal and to call if I had cramps or if the bleeding increased. I didn't feel any cramps and it was so light with bleeding that I relaxed a bit and went on with the BBQ. John knew something was up but he knew I was also staying positive. The next morning I was in a little cramping pain and the bleeding was increasing. I called the doctor and she got me in for an emergency ultrasound. At the ultrasound we were both trying to stay positive and just hoping our baby was okay. The ultrasound tech started the ultrasound and pointed out the head and body to us. I was feeling like everything was okay. Then I saw the hardest thing I have ever seen. I saw the little chest and what looked like a little heart. I also noticed the heart wasn't moving or beating. The tech didn't say anything. She shut off the machine and asked us to wait in the room. I broke down. I had wanted this baby so bad and I really thought we were having a baby! My doctor called me on the phone in the room shortly after and explained they didn't see a heart beat. She said she was so sorry for our loss and that I should go home and rest.
That weekend my body was weak and I was in such pain. My body wasn't taking care of the miscarriage like normal so I had to go in and have a D and C to remove the baby so my body could start to heal.
My husband cried that night, and well John never cry's.

We had to wait a few months for my body to return to normal so we could try getting pregnant again. We were really trying to hold it together but in my mind we had had 2 miscarriages so at this point I was scared when we did get pregnant we would just lose it again. We started trying to get pregnant again and I was so excited but so scared at the same time. John and I got pregnant this time after only 2 short months of trying. I remember taking a test right before we went on a date. The 2nd line was so faint I just threw it away thinking it had to be a false positive. After a week and a missed period I went back and took a new test. I saw the 2 lines but I got really mad. Why am I getting false positives?!?! UHHG I was so upset. So I took another test, it was also positive. At this point I went to grab John. I made him look at the test and I will never forget the look on his face! He had the biggest smile. I started to cry I was so happy.
Now this time I was so skeptical that it would end in a miscarriage that we decided not to share our news. It still felt so unreal and I wasn't have horrible sickness. I felt nauseated but nothing like I had felt in the past. We planned on keeping it a secret until I was in my 2nd trimester.
However my cousin and his wife called to tell me they were pregnant when I was around 8 weeks. I could tell they were worried about my reaction due to the losses I had suffered so I had to tell them my own great news. From there I had to tell my mom and we had to tell the rest of our family.
It felt good to tell people but I was so scared it was right before I had lost the last baby and I was scared we wouldn't make it past that point.
 I made it to 12 weeks and I was getting excited because we made it past our previous losses and I was only a couple of weeks til my 2nd trimester. I woke up around 2:30 am I had fallen asleep on the couch and John was playing video games in the living room. I had to pee so I got up and went to the bathroom. After going to the bathroom I turned around and saw my worst fears coming true all over again. I saw bright red blood in the toilet. I was bleeding. I remember sitting in the bathroom on the floor just silent preparing myself for the worst. John came to find me and he just hugged me and told me it would be okay. The next day the bleeding had stopped but it was Sunday so I was waiting until Monday to go in to the doctor. When I talked to my doctor she had told me to come in first thing in the morning and she kept saying how sorry she was. I just KNEW we were losing our baby again. It was killing me inside.
Well Monday morning we got up and went to the doctor. I hadn't been bleeding or cramping so I felt like that was a good sign. The doctor jumped right in and looked at the ultrasound first. I saw our little baby looking more like a baby everyday. I then saw the greatest thing ever...the baby moved. The little arm moved and then the body. I saw a beautiful little heart beat and my doctor said well it looks like everything is just fine!
Our baby continued to grow into the 2nd trimester...and then the 3rd. We are now at week 31...
Week 31!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe we are actually 9 weeks away from having our beautiful baby boy in our arms!
It's been quite a journey but I am so happy with how things turned out. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 1 year and a couple months and we will have our baby boy in 9 weeks!

Well this turned into the longest post I have written but I just had so many details I wanted to share. Thank you everyone for reading. Now I have to finish packing up for our little Mexican vacation that we leave for in the morning. At 31 weeks pregnant I cant wait to relax and enjoy some nice weather with my husband before our little man is here! :)

3d Ultrasound with pics!

So we ended up going 4 times to try to get the best 3D shots possible. It was difficult because Lincoln likes his hands on his face, the placenta is also something he likes to use to block his face, and well I am still not very big for how pregnant I am and well there isn't a whole lot of fluid in there. So here are a few of our pics to share! Some of them may be kinda hard to tell what they are but most of them you can see whats going on! :)

a 2D shot of Lincoln's face

 An arm

 His eye looks like it's open

 hand on the face

 his tongue is out :)

 in deep thought

 Our handsome little man!

 Any one who knows my husband should agree...This looks so much like John and has his mouth!

 perfect like his daddy!

 sleepy baby!

 he has that tongue out again!

 Lincoln Michael Miller <3

 side profile

 his heart beat and heart

 trying to get comfortable

 he was probably tired of being poked at all morning!

 John breaths a huge sigh of relief!

 The Tebow pose. lol

 Hiding

I hope you all enjoy looking through our photos. I honestly can't wait to see what he looks like in person!

Jessica Simpson on Elle....

It makes me so happy to see a woman who has struggled with body image bare all to show how beautiful pregnancy really is.

 

I read that Jessica has gained nearly 70 lbs with this baby and the fact that she is still willing to show off her body while pregnant makes me want to do it also! I have booked a maternity boudoir shoot with a photographer friend of mine, Lisa Larson. I want to capture my pregnancy in a beautiful and intimate way so I can look back and remember the beauty that is in pregnancy. 

I can't wait to share photos from my shoot.

I recommend any pregnant woman to get some beautiful and tasteful pictures to look back on. 

Check out Lisa's work here!

Ultrasound and doctor appointment....

John and I went back this morning for our 3D ultrasound hoping to get good pics of our baby boy! The first time on Saturday, Lincoln was doing the Tebow and covering his face so we rescheduled. This time he was a lot easier to see but the placenta was in the way. After another hour of moving and drinking orange juice it was clear we would have to try again. So we will return Friday for take 3 and I hope to have pictures to show after that! :)
We also had another doctor appointment today to check on baby and how he is growing. I also had to check my glucose to see if I am at risk of gestational diabetes. I actually failed the test by 2 points but since I had been at the ultrasound and drank some orange juice and had a square of chocolate they let me slide and passed me anyway! :)
I start to see Dr. Sargent every 2 weeks now that I am in my 3rd trimester which is exciting but also a little overkill if you ask me. I guess I would rather go in every 2 weeks and have them be short visits then to not and find out I needed to be monitored for something.
The good news is everything is looking fabulous and John and I are getting more and more excited for Lincoln to join our family. It is still hard to believe sometimes that we are going to have a son in a little over 11 weeks. I love my growing family and I can't wait to meet Lincoln!

 Here is me at 28 weeks! :)

stangers wanting to touch your belly....

The other day I had a conversation with a gal at work about random people touching my belly. Now I had a few people here and there touch me who I knew but not very well so I was sorta okay with it but bottom line is YOU SHOULD ASK!
She tells me that she had wanted a complete stranger to touch her belly so she could return the favor and touch their belly right back...

So I had to run into the Fred Meyers by my place today to pick up a steak since we are having company for dinner and we typically buy our meat in twos. I'm standing in line waiting and there is a another woman next to me. The guy in front of us is taking his sweet time picking his meat so I'm just waiting. The lady next to me looks over and told me what a cute pregnant belly I have. I smiled and said the normal, "thank you" but as I got to the "you" part out she just reaches right on over and rubs my belly. So I quickly reach out and give hers a quick rub.
She jerked back pretty quickly. She was staring at me like I was the crazy one. The look on her face pretty much summed it up to say, "OH MY GOD, This crazy lady just touched me." I am thinking to myself, Yes, yes I did just rub your belly but maybe next time you will ask first and not just reach out and touch. Needless to say the lovely woman stepped out of line and decided to do some other shopping while I got to happily get my steaks without being bothered or touched! 

That was my entertainment for the day and I thank my friend, Fawn for sharing her idea so I could amuse myself in an awkward moment! :)

3D/4D ultrasound....

I am feeling much more at ease since my last post. I accepted that Lincoln is going to be here in a little over 12 weeks and I have accepted that I will get everything I need done before that time. In the meantime I am going to enjoy my pregnancy the best I can! I am also going to enjoy the time I have left with my husband! It's hard to believe that in about 12 weeks and 2 days we are expecting a baby! First item to check off my list of things to do is a 3D/4D ultrasound! I have one scheduled for Saturday at 4pm! I can't wait to see Lincoln again and see what his little face looks like. We are planning on having John's mom and his daughter join us for the 10-15 min appointment. We will get photos to take home and also a DVD of the entire appointment. I hope to get it up online to share with everyone.

I am so ready to become a mom and I know I have a list of things to do before he arrives but I also know that I will never feel 100% prepared! Kinda how John and I first talked about starting a family...I had a list of things I felt HAD to be done before we could have a baby but after a little thought I realized that we will always have more things to get done in life and I wasn't going to put off the life I wanted until everything was perfect because lets face it...life will never be 100% perfect. I have a husband who loves and respects me and a wonderful support system of family to help us with raising a baby. That is all I need!

Thank you everyone for the continued support and love! :)

Anxiety....

So I am a really positive person however tonight I am feeling especially anxious.
Every few days I check my iPhone apps to see Lincoln's progress. It's like having a baby book always in my hand. So today I pull up my "what to expect" app and I see all about our baby.
My countdown is now just about 13 weeks and baby is about the size of a head of cauliflower. It says he is roughly 16 inches in length and about 2.5 lbs. All of this sounds great until I notice the box under trimester now says 3rd.
I closed the app when I saw that and reopened it. I thought I must have ready it wrong. Sure enough it says 3rd trimester. I quickly open a different app and that one is reading 3rd trimester also. I guess I knew that week 27 was after week 26 but suddenly I find myself terrified! What happened to the 2nd trimester? It feels like this is all starting to move so fast. Am I going to have time to get everything done that needs to be done before the baby arrives?
I talked to my mom and she said I should start a list of what I need to get done but I don't know where to start. I think this is one I will need to sleep on and hopefully get a list made by the weekend. I just hope I can stop feeling anxious and start feeling more excited! I mean I am having a baby after all!

Thank you for listening.