I can't believe in 9 short weeks we are expecting newest addition to the Miller family! John and I have been waiting for this day since before this pregnancy started! Since the day I met John it seems like we have been talking and dreaming of starting our family. John is everything I have ever wanted in a husband and father for my kids! Getting pregnant didn't come as easy as it does for most. We actually got pregnant shortly before we got engaged. I had been switching to a different birth control at that time and started getting super sick. I dropped a bunch of weight and was just miserable. I decided to take a pregnancy test and was shocked to see it was positive. I freaked and after a week of knowing I was pregnant I finally told John. Now I imagined the worst reaction out of him and knew we were going to have a lot to talk about but really the reaction I got was pure joy and excitement. John told me I am everything he wanted in a wife and mother for his children and he wanted a family with me!
Sadly a week later I suffered a miscarriage. I was devastated but at the same time we both thought about it and realized we wanted to plan a baby and we needed more time to grow as a couple and possibly even get married.
About 2 months later John proposed to me on his birthday. John and I started planning a wedding and well the thought of having a baby was always on our minds.
Around 6 months before the wedding John and I discussed going off birth control to prepare for having children after our wedding. So we discussed it and decided it was what we wanted. Every month I was prepared to see that I could be pregnant but every month my wonderful period came and went like normal. We weren't really "trying" to get pregnant but we weren't "not trying" either.
The wedding came and I swear that night we were both so ready to say we were actually trying to get pregnant! That month came and went and still no luck. At this point I had been off of any kind of birth control for about 8 months. The month after our wedding we went to Mexico for a work trip/honeymoon! Well a little vacation is JUST what we needed because shortly after coming home I got my positive test! John and I were probably the happiest people in the world! So ready to start a family and excited to know we were going to have a baby. I had my first doctor appointment and everything was looking good!
At 8 weeks I was getting stuff ready for a BBQ we were having for John's birthday. I would be about 9 weeks on his birthday and every day was rough. I was sick all the time and that morning I had some weird cramping. On John's birthday I woke up and found I had some bloody discharge happening. I was terrified that something was wrong. I called my doctor office several times and each time they told me some spotting was normal and to call if I had cramps or if the bleeding increased. I didn't feel any cramps and it was so light with bleeding that I relaxed a bit and went on with the BBQ. John knew something was up but he knew I was also staying positive. The next morning I was in a little cramping pain and the bleeding was increasing. I called the doctor and she got me in for an emergency ultrasound. At the ultrasound we were both trying to stay positive and just hoping our baby was okay. The ultrasound tech started the ultrasound and pointed out the head and body to us. I was feeling like everything was okay. Then I saw the hardest thing I have ever seen. I saw the little chest and what looked like a little heart. I also noticed the heart wasn't moving or beating. The tech didn't say anything. She shut off the machine and asked us to wait in the room. I broke down. I had wanted this baby so bad and I really thought we were having a baby! My doctor called me on the phone in the room shortly after and explained they didn't see a heart beat. She said she was so sorry for our loss and that I should go home and rest.
That weekend my body was weak and I was in such pain. My body wasn't taking care of the miscarriage like normal so I had to go in and have a D and C to remove the baby so my body could start to heal.
My husband cried that night, and well John never cry's.
We had to wait a few months for my body to return to normal so we could try getting pregnant again. We were really trying to hold it together but in my mind we had had 2 miscarriages so at this point I was scared when we did get pregnant we would just lose it again. We started trying to get pregnant again and I was so excited but so scared at the same time. John and I got pregnant this time after only 2 short months of trying. I remember taking a test right before we went on a date. The 2nd line was so faint I just threw it away thinking it had to be a false positive. After a week and a missed period I went back and took a new test. I saw the 2 lines but I got really mad. Why am I getting false positives?!?! UHHG I was so upset. So I took another test, it was also positive. At this point I went to grab John. I made him look at the test and I will never forget the look on his face! He had the biggest smile. I started to cry I was so happy.
Now this time I was so skeptical that it would end in a miscarriage that we decided not to share our news. It still felt so unreal and I wasn't have horrible sickness. I felt nauseated but nothing like I had felt in the past. We planned on keeping it a secret until I was in my 2nd trimester.
However my cousin and his wife called to tell me they were pregnant when I was around 8 weeks. I could tell they were worried about my reaction due to the losses I had suffered so I had to tell them my own great news. From there I had to tell my mom and we had to tell the rest of our family.
It felt good to tell people but I was so scared it was right before I had lost the last baby and I was scared we wouldn't make it past that point.
I made it to 12 weeks and I was getting excited because we made it past our previous losses and I was only a couple of weeks til my 2nd trimester. I woke up around 2:30 am I had fallen asleep on the couch and John was playing video games in the living room. I had to pee so I got up and went to the bathroom. After going to the bathroom I turned around and saw my worst fears coming true all over again. I saw bright red blood in the toilet. I was bleeding. I remember sitting in the bathroom on the floor just silent preparing myself for the worst. John came to find me and he just hugged me and told me it would be okay. The next day the bleeding had stopped but it was Sunday so I was waiting until Monday to go in to the doctor. When I talked to my doctor she had told me to come in first thing in the morning and she kept saying how sorry she was. I just KNEW we were losing our baby again. It was killing me inside.
Well Monday morning we got up and went to the doctor. I hadn't been bleeding or cramping so I felt like that was a good sign. The doctor jumped right in and looked at the ultrasound first. I saw our little baby looking more like a baby everyday. I then saw the greatest thing ever...the baby moved. The little arm moved and then the body. I saw a beautiful little heart beat and my doctor said well it looks like everything is just fine!
Our baby continued to grow into the 2nd trimester...and then the 3rd. We are now at week 31...
Week 31!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe we are actually 9 weeks away from having our beautiful baby boy in our arms!
It's been quite a journey but I am so happy with how things turned out. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 1 year and a couple months and we will have our baby boy in 9 weeks!
Well this turned into the longest post I have written but I just had so many details I wanted to share. Thank you everyone for reading. Now I have to finish packing up for our little Mexican vacation that we leave for in the morning. At 31 weeks pregnant I cant wait to relax and enjoy some nice weather with my husband before our little man is here! :)
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